When Cats Assassinate

by David W. Watts

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Summary

'Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats' by T S Eliot, the inspiration for the 'Cats' musical, would have you believe that cats are marvellous and magical. But we all know different. Cats are cruel. Stop any shrew or bankvole on the street and they'll describe them as mean, lean killing machines.

Cats are jealous too. They despise the fact that a dog is a man's best friend, yet it's them who do all the useful work around the yard. Since when has fetching sticks in a timely fashion helped society? Cats clear up the vermin and what do they get for it? "Yuk, clear that off the doorstep!"

So, cats everywhere have taken a secret resolve to dispose of dogs in every which way they can, whether by simple means or, as we find out in 'When Cats Assassinate', by using tricks, strategies and high velocity weapons.

Cats are helped in their killer quest by most dogs' basic lack of brain cells. Curiosity may have killed a cat one time, but sheer stupidity killed most dogs. If dogs can learn anything from this book it's "Never stick your head through a catflap that reads FREE DOG FOOD HERE."

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